MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/related; boundary="----=_NextPart_01D5C246.2A621D30" This document is a Single File Web Page, also known as a Web Archive file. If you are seeing this message, your browser or editor doesn't support Web Archive files. Please download a browser that supports Web Archive, such as Microsoft Internet Explorer. ------=_NextPart_01D5C246.2A621D30 Content-Location: file:///C:/B15B324E/SomeRamblingNotesofanIdleExcursion.htm Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii"
Some
Rambling Notes of an Idle Excursion
By
Mark
Twain (Samuel Clemens)
All the journeyings I had ever do=
ne had
been purely in the way of
business. The pleasant May weather
suggested a novelty namely, a trip
for pure recreation, the
bread-and-butter element left out. The Reverend
said he would go, too; a good man=
, one
of the best of men, although a
clergyman. By eleven at night we =
were
in
and there, in the solid comfort of
being free and idle, and of putting
distance between ourselves and the
mails and telegraphs.
After a while I went to my stater=
oom
and undressed, but the night
was too enticing for bed. We were
moving down the bay now, and it was
pleasant to stand at the window a=
nd
take the cool night breeze and watch
the gliding lights on shore. Pres=
ently,
two elderly men sat down
under that window and began a
conversation. Their talk was properly
no business of mine, yet I was fe=
eling
friendly toward the world and
willing to be entertained. I soon
gathered that they were brothers, that
they were from a small
concerned the cemetery. Said one:=
"Now, John, we talked it all=
over
amongst ourselves, and this is what
we've done. You see, everybody was
a-movin' from the old buryin'-ground,
and our folks was 'most about lef=
t to
theirselves, as you may say. They
was crowded, too, as you know; lot
wa'n't big enough in the first place;
and last year, when Seth's wife d=
ied,
we couldn't hardly tuck her in.
She sort o' overlaid Deacon Shorb=
's
lot, and he soured on her, so to
speak, and on the rest of us, too=
. So
we talked it over, and I was for
a lay out in the new simitery on =
the
hill. They wa'n't unwilling, if
it was cheap. Well, the two best =
and
biggest plots was No. 8 and No.
9--both of a size; nice comfortab=
le
room for twenty-six--twenty-six
full-growns, that is; but you rec=
kon in
children and other shorts, and
strike an average, and I should s=
ay you
might lay in thirty, or maybe
thirty-two or three, pretty gente=
el--no
crowdin' to signify."
"That's a plenty, William. W=
hich
one did you buy?"
"Well, I'm a-comin' to that,=
John.
You see, No. 8 was thirteen dollars,
No. 9 fourteen--"
"I see. So's't you took No.
8."
"You wait. I took No. 9. And=
I'll
tell you for why. In the first place,
Deacon Shorb wanted it. Well, aft=
er the
way he'd gone on about Seth's
wife overlappin' his prem'ses, I'=
d 'a'
beat him out of that No. 9 if I'd
'a' had to stand two dollars extr=
a, let
alone one. That's the way I felt
about it. Says I, what's a dollar,
anyway? Life's on'y a pilgrimage,
says I; we ain't here for good, a=
nd we
can't take it with us, says I. So
I just dumped it down, knowin' th=
e Lord
don't suffer a good deed to go
for nothin', and cal'latin' to ta=
ke it
out o' somebody in the course
o' trade. Then there was another
reason, John. No. 9's a long way the
handiest lot in the simitery, and=
the
likeliest for situation. It lays
right on top of a knoll in the de=
ad
center of the buryin' ground; and
you can see Millport from there, =
and
Tracy's, and Hopper Mount, and
a raft o' farms, and so on. There=
ain't
no better outlook from a
buryin'-plot in the state. Si Hig=
gins
says so, and I reckon he ought to
know. Well, and that ain't all. '=
Course
Shorb had to take No. 8; wa'n't
no help for 't. Now, No. 8 jines =
onto
No. 9, but it's on the slope
of the hill, and every time it ra=
ins it
'll soak right down onto the
Shorbs. Si Higgins says 't when t=
he
deacon's time comes, he better take
out fire and marine insurance bot=
h on
his remains."
Here there was the sound of a low,
placid, duplicate chuckle of
appreciation and satisfaction.
"Now, John, here's a little =
rough
draft of the ground that I've made
on a piece of paper. Up here in t=
he
left-hand corner we've bunched the
departed; took them from the old
graveyard and stowed them one alongside
o' t'other, on a first-come-first=
-served
plan, no partialities, with
Gran'ther Jones for a starter, on=
'y
because it happened so, and windin'
up indiscriminate with Seth's twi=
ns. A
little crowded towards the end of
the lay-out, maybe, but we reckon=
ed
'twa'n't best to scatter the twins.
Well, next comes the livin'. Here,
where it's marked A, we're goin' to
put Mariar and her family, when t=
hey're
called; B, that's for Brother
Hosea and hisn; C, Calvin and tri=
be.
What's left is these two lots
here--just the gem of the whole p=
atch
for general style and outlook;
they're for me and my folks, and =
you
and yourn. Which of them would you
rather be buried in?"
"I swan, you've took me migh=
ty
unexpected, William! It sort of started
the shivers. Fact is, I was think=
in' so
busy about makin' things
comfortable for the others, I had=
n't
thought about being buried myself."
"Life's on'y a fleetin' show,
John, as the sayin' is. We've all got to
go, sooner or later. To go with a=
clean
record's the main thing. Fact
is, it's the on'y thing worth str=
ivin'
for, John."
"Yes, that's so, William, th=
at's
so; there ain't no getting around it.
Which of these lots would you
recommend?"
"Well, it depends, John. Are=
you
particular about outlook?"
"I don't say I am, William, I
don't say I ain't. Reely, I don't know.
But mainly, I reckon, I'd set sto=
re by
a south exposure."
"That's easy fixed, John. Th=
ey're
both south exposure. They take the
sun, and the Shorbs get the
shade."
"How about site, William?&qu=
ot;
"D's a sandy sile, E's mostly
loom."
"You may gimme E, then; Will=
iam; a
sandy sile caves in, more or less,
and costs for repairs."
"All right, set your name do=
wn
here, John, under E. Now, if you don't
mind payin' me your share of the
fourteen dollars, John, while we're on
the business, everything's fixed.=
"
After some Niggling and sharp
bargaining the money was paid, and John
bade his brother good night and t=
ook
his leave. There was silence for
some moments; then a soft chuckle
welled up from the lonely William,
and he muttered: "I declare =
for
't, if I haven't made a mistake! It's
D that's mostly loom, not E. And =
John's
booked for a sandy site after
all."
There was another soft chuckle, a=
nd
William departed to his rest also.
The next day, in
or less entertainment out of it. =
Toward
the middle of the afternoon we
arrived on board the stanch steam=
ship
hunted for a shady place. It was
blazing summer weather, until we were
half-way down the harbor. Then I
buttoned my coat closely; half an hour
later I put on a spring overcoat =
and
buttoned that. As we passed the
light-ship I added an ulster and =
tied a
handkerchief around the collar
to hold it snug to my neck. So ra=
pidly
had the summer gone and winter
come again?
By nightfall we were far out at s=
ea,
with no land in sight. No telegrams
could come here, no letters, no n=
ews.
This was an uplifting thought. It
was still more uplifting to refle=
ct
that the millions of harassed people
on shore behind us were suffering=
just
as usual.
The next day brought us into the =
midst
of the Atlantic solitudes--out
of smoke-colored sounding into
fathomless deep blue; no ships visible
anywhere over the wide ocean; no
company but Mother Carey's chickens
wheeling, darting, skimming the w=
aves
in the sun. There were some
seafaring men among the passenger=
s, and
conversation drifted into matter
concerning ships and sailors. One=
said
that "true as the needle to the
pole" was a bad figure, sinc=
e the
needle seldom pointed to the pole. He
said a ship's compass was not fai=
thful
to any particular point, but was
the most fickle and treacherous o=
f the
servants of man. It was forever
changing. It changed every day in=
the
year; consequently the amount of
the daily variation had to be cip=
hered
out and allowance made for it,
else the mariner would go utterly
astray. Another said there was a vast
fortune waiting for the genius who
should invent a compass that would
not be affected by the local infl=
uences
of an iron ship. He said there
was only one creature more fickle=
than
a wooden ship's compass, and that
was the compass of an iron ship. =
Then
came reference to the well known
fact that an experienced mariner =
can
look at the compass of a new iron
vessel, thousands of mile from her
birthplace, and tell which way her
head was pointing when she was in
process of building.
Now an ancient whale-ship master =
fell
to talking about the sort of crews
they used to have in his early da=
ys.
Said he:
"Sometimes we'd have a batch=
of
college students Queer lot. Ignorant?
Why, they didn't know the cathead=
s from
the main brace. But if you took
them for fools you'd get bit, sur=
e.
They'd learn more in a month than
another man would in a year. We h=
ad
one, once, in the Mary Ann, that
came aboard with gold spectacles =
on.
And besides, he was rigged out from
main truck to keelson in the nobb=
iest
clothes that ever saw a fo'castle.
He had a chestful, too: cloaks, a=
nd
broadcloth coats, and velvet vests;
everything swell, you know; and d=
idn't
the saltwater fix them out for
him? I guess not! Well, going to =
sea,
the mate told him to go aloft and
help shake out the foreto'gallant=
s'l.
Up he shins to the foretop,
with his spectacles on, and in a =
minute
down he comes again, looking
insulted. Says the mate, 'What di=
d you
come down for?' Says the chap,
'P'r'aps you didn't notice that t=
here
ain't any ladders above there.'
You see we hadn't any shrouds abo=
ve the
foretop. The men bursted out in
a laugh such as I guess you never=
heard
the like of. Next night,
which was dark and rainy, the mate
ordered this chap to go aloft about
something, and I'm dummed if he d=
idn't
start up with an umbrella and a
lantern! But no matter; he made a
mighty good sailor before the voyage
was done, and we had to hunt up
something else to laugh at. Years
afterwards, when I had forgot all=
about
him, I comes into
of a ship, and was loafing around=
town
with the second mate, and it so
happened that we stepped into the
Revere House, thinking maybe we would
chance the salt-horse in that big
diningroom for a flyer, as the
boys say. Some fellows were talki=
ng
just at our elbow, and one says,
'Yonder's the new governor of
with the ladies.' We took a good =
look
my mate and I, for we hadn't
either of us ever see a governor
before. I looked and looked at that
face and then all of a sudden it =
popped
on me! But didn't give any sign.
Says I, 'Mate, I've a notion to g=
o over
and shake hands with him.' Says
he 'I think I see you doing it, T=
om.'
Says I, 'Mate I'm a-going to do
it.' Says he, 'Oh, yes, I guess s=
o.
Maybe you don't want to bet you
will, Tom?' Say I, 'I don't mind =
going
a V on it, mate.' Says he 'Put it
up.' 'Up she goes,' says I, plank=
ing
the cash. This surprised him. But
he covered it, and says pretty
sarcastic, 'Hadn't you better take
your grub with the governor and t=
he
ladies, Tom?' Says I 'Upon second
thoughts, I will.' Says he, 'Well=
Tom,
you aye a dum fool.' Says I,
'Maybe I am maybe I ain't; but th=
e main
question is, do you wan to risk
two and a half that I won't do it=
?'
'Make it a V,' says he. 'Done,' says
I. I started, him a giggling and
slapping his hand on his thigh, he felt
so good. I went over there and le=
aned
my knuckle: on the table a minute
and looked the governor in the fa=
ce,
and says I, 'Mr. Gardner, don't you
know me? He stared, and I stared,=
and he
stared. Then all of a sudden
he sings out, 'Tom Bowling, by th=
e holy
poker! Ladies, it's old Tom
Bowling, that you've heard me talk
about--shipmate of mine in the Mary
Ann.' He rose up and shook hands =
with
me ever so hearty--I sort of
glanced around and took a realizi=
ng
sense of my mate's saucer eyes--and
then says the governor, 'Plant
yourself, Tom, plant yourself; you can't
cat your anchor again till you've=
had a
feed with me and the ladies!' I
planted myself alongside the gove=
rnor,
and canted my eye around toward
my mate. Well, sir, his dead-ligh=
ts
were bugged out like tompions; and
his mouth stood that wide open th=
at you
could have laid a ham in it
without him noticing it."
There was great applause at the
conclusion of the old captain's story;
then, after a moment's silence, a
grave, pale young man said:
"Had you ever met the govern=
or
before?"
The old captain looked steadily a=
t this
inquirer awhile, and then got
up and walked aft without making =
any
reply. One passenger after another
stole a furtive glance at the inq=
uirer;
but failed to make him out, and
so gave him up. It took some litt=
le
work to get the talk-machinery
to running smoothly again after t=
his
derangement; but at length a
conversation sprang up about that
important and jealously guarded
instrument, a ship's timekeeper, =
its
exceeding delicate accuracy, and
the wreck and destruction that ha=
ve
sometimes resulted from its varying
a few seemingly trifling moments =
from
the true time; then, in due
course, my comrade, the Reverend,=
got
off on a yarn, with a fair
wind and everything drawing. It w=
as a
true story, too--about Captain
Rounceville's shipwreck--true in =
every
detail. It was to this effect:
Captain Rounceville's vessel was =
lost
in mid-Atlantic, and likewise his
wife and his two little children.
Captain Rounceville and seven seamen
escaped with life, but with little
else. A small, rudely constructed
raft was to be their home for eig=
ht
days. They had neither provisions
nor water. They had scarcely any
clothing; no one had a coat but the
captain. This coat was changing h=
ands
all the time, for the weather was
very cold. Whenever a man became
exhausted with the cold, they put the
coat on him and laid him down bet=
ween
two shipmates until the garment
and their bodies had warmed life =
into
him again. Among the sailors was a
Portuguese who knew no English. He
seemed to have no thought of his own
calamity, but was concerned only =
about
the captain's bitter loss of wife
and children. By day he would loo=
k his
dumb compassion in the captain's
face; and by night, in the darkne=
ss and
the driving spray and rain, he
would seek out the captain and tr=
y to
comfort him with caressing pats
on the shoulder. One day, when hu=
nger
and thirst were making their sure
inroad; upon the men's strength a=
nd
spirits, a floating barrel was seen
at a distance. It seemed a great =
find,
for doubtless it contained food
of some sort. A brave fellow swam=
to
it, and after long and exhausting
effort got it to the raft. It was
eagerly opened. It was a barrel of
magnesia! On the fifth day an oni=
on was
spied. A sailor swam off and got
it. Although perishing with hunge=
r, he
brought it in its integrity and
put it into the captain's hand. T=
he
history of the sea teaches
that among starving, shipwrecked =
men
selfishness is rare, and a
wonder-compelling magnanimity the=
rule.
The onion was equally divided
into eight parts, and eaten with =
deep
thanksgivings. On the eighth day
a distant ship was sighted. Attem=
pts
were made to hoist an oar, with
Captain Rounceville's coat on it =
for a
signal. There were many failures,
for the men were but skeletons no=
w, and
strengthless. At last success
was achieved, but the signal brou=
ght no
help. The ship faded out of
sight and left despair behind her=
. By
and by another ship appeared, and
passed so near that the castaways=
, every
eye eloquent with gratitude,
made ready to welcome the boat th=
at
would be sent to save them. But
this ship also drove on, and left=
these
men staring their unutterable
surprise and dismay into each oth=
er's
ashen faces. Late in the day,
still another ship came up out of=
the
distance, but the men noted with
a pang that her course was one wh=
ich
would not bring her nearer. Their
remnant of life was nearly spent;=
their
lips and tongues were swollen,
parched, cracked with eight days'
thirst; their bodies starved; and here
was their last chance gliding
relentlessly from them; they would not
be alive when the next sun rose. =
For a
day or two past the men had lost
their voices, but now Captain
Rounceville whispered, "Let us pray."
The Portuguese patted him on the
shoulder in sign of deep approval. All
knelt at the base of the oar that=
was
waving the signal-coat aloft, and
bowed their heads. The sea was to=
ssing;
the sun rested, a red, rayless
disk, on the sea-line in the west=
. When
the men presently raised their
heads they would have roared a
hallelujah if they had had a voice--the
ship's sails lay wrinkled and fla=
pping
against her masts--she was going
about! Here was rescue at last, a=
nd in
the very last instant of time
that was left for it. No, not res=
cue
yet--only the imminent prospect of
it. The red disk sank under the s=
ea,
and darkness blotted out the ship.
By and by came a pleasant sound-o=
ars
moving in a boat's rowlocks. Nearer
it came, and nearer-within thirty
steps, but nothing visible. Then a
deep voice: "Hol-lo!" T=
he
castaways could not answer; their swollen
tongues refused voice. The boat s=
kirted
round and round the raft,
started away--the agony of
it!--returned, rested the oars, close at
hand, listening, no doubt. The de=
ep
voice again: "Hol-lo! Where are ye,
shipmates?" Captain Rouncevi=
lle
whispered to his men, saying: "Whisper
your best, boys! now--all at
once!" So they sent out an eightfold
whisper in hoarse concert:
"Here!", There was life in it if it
succeeded; death if it failed. Af=
ter
that supreme moment Captain
Rounceville was conscious of noth=
ing
until he came to himself on board
the saving ship. Said the Reveren=
d,
concluding:
"There was one little moment=
of
time in which that raft could be visible
from that ship, and only one. If =
that
one little fleeting moment had
passed unfruitful, those men's do=
om was
sealed. As close as that does
God shave events foreordained fro=
m the
beginning of the world. When
the sun reached the water's edge =
that
day, the captain of that ship was
sitting on deck reading his praye=
r-book.
The book fell; he stooped to
pick it up, and happened to glanc=
e at
the sun. In that instant that
far-off raft appeared for a second
against the red disk, its needlelike
oar and diminutive signal cut sha=
rp and
black against the bright
surface, and in the next instant =
was
thrust away into the dusk again.
But that ship, that captain, and =
that
pregnant instant had had their
work appointed for them in the da=
wn of
time and could not fail of the
performance. The chronometer of G=
od
never errs!"
There was deep, thoughtful silenc=
e for
some moments. Then the grave,
pale young man said:
"What is the chronometer of
God?"
At dinner, six o'clock, the same =
people
assembled whom we had talked
with on deck and seen at luncheon=
and
breakfast this second day out,
and at dinner the evening before.=
That
is to say, three journeying
ship-masters, a
absent from his
On the port side sat the Reverend=
in
the seat of honor; the pale young
man next to him; I next; next to =
me an
aged Bermudian, returning to his
sunny islands after an absence of
twenty-seven years. Of course, our
captain was at the head of the ta=
ble,
the purser at the foot of it. A
small company, but small companie=
s are
pleasantest.
No racks upon the table; the sky
cloudless, the sun brilliant, the blue
sea scarcely ruffled; then what h=
ad
become of the four married couples,
the three bachelors, and the acti=
ve and
obliging doctor from the rural
districts of
sailed down
note-book:
Thursday, 3.30
P.M. Under way, passing the <=
st1:place
w:st=3D"on">Battery. The
large
party, of four m=
arried
couples, three bachelors, and a cheery,
exhilarating doc=
tor
from the wilds of
traveling
together. All but the doctor
grouped in camp-chairs on
deck.
Passing principal
fort. The doctor is one of th=
ose
people who has
an infallible
preventive of seasickness; is flitting from friend to
friend administe=
ring
it and saying, "Don't you be afraid; I know
this medicine;
absolutely infallible; prepared under my own
supervision." Tak=
es a
dose himself, intrepidly.
4.15 P.M. Two of those ladies have struck th=
eir
colors,
notwithstanding =
the
"infallible." They =
have
gone below. The other
two begin to show
distress.
5 P.M. Exit one husband and one bachelor.=
These still had their
infallible in ca=
rgo
when they started, but arrived at the
companionway wit=
hout
it.
5.10. Lady No. 3, two bachelors, and one
married man have gone
below with their=
own
opinion of the infallible.
5.20. Passing Quarantine Hulk. The infallible has done the
business for all=
the
party except the Scotchman's wife and the
author of that
formidable remedy.
Nearing the
Light-Ship. Exit the Scotchma=
n's
wife, head drooped on
stewardess's sho=
ulder.
Entering the ope=
n sea.
Exit doctor!
The rout seems permanent; hence t=
he
smallness of the company at table
since the voyage began. Our capta=
in is
a grave, handsome Hercules of
thirty-five, with a brown hand of=
such
majestic size that one cannot
eat for admiring it and wondering=
if a
single kid or calf could furnish
material for gloving it.
Conversation not general; drones =
along
between couples. One catches a
sentence here and there. Like thi=
s,
from Bermudian of thirteen years'
absence: "It is the nature of
women to ask trivial, irrelevant, and
pursuing questions--questions that
pursue you from a beginning
in nothing to a run-to-cover in
nowhere." Reply of Bermudian of
twenty-seven years' absence: &quo=
t;Yes;
and to think they have logical,
analytical minds and argumentative
ability. You see 'em begin to whet up
whenever they smell argument in t=
he
air." Plainly these be philosophers.
Twice since we left port our engi=
nes
have stopped for a couple of
minutes at a time. Now they stop =
again.
Says the pale young man,
meditatively, "There!--that
engineer is sitting down to rest again."
Grave stare from the captain, who=
se
mighty jaws cease to work, and
whose harpooned potato stops in m=
idair
on its way to his open, paralyzed
mouth. Presently he says in measu=
red
tones, "Is it your idea that the
engineer of this ship propels her=
by a
crank turned by his own hands?"
The pale young man studies over t=
his a
moment, then lifts up his
guileless eyes, and says, "D=
on't
he?"
Thus gently falls the death-blow =
to
further conversation, and the dinner
drags to its close in a reflective
silence, disturbed by no sounds but
the murmurous wash of the sea and=
the
subdued clash of teeth.
After a smoke and a promenade on =
deck,
where is no motion to discompose
our steps, we think of a game of =
whist.
We ask the brisk and capable
stewardess from
"Bless your soul, dear, inde=
ed
there is. Not a whole pack, true for ye,
but not enough missing to
signify."
However, I happened by accident to
bethink me of a new pack in a morocco
case, in my trunk, which I had pl=
aced
there by mistake, thinking it to
be a flask of something. So a par=
ty of
us conquered the tedium of the
evening with a few games and were=
ready
for bed at six bells, mariner's
time, the signal for putting out =
the
lights.
There was much chat in the
smoking-cabin on the upper deck after
luncheon to-day, mostly whaler ya=
rns
from those old sea-captains.
Captain Tom Bowling was garrulous=
. He
had that garrulous attention to
minor detail which is born of sec=
luded
farm life or life at sea on long
voyages, where there is little to=
do
and time no object. He would sail
along till he was right in the mo=
st
exciting part of a yarn, and then
say, "Well, as I was saying,=
the
rudder was fouled, ship driving before
the gale, head-on, straight for t=
he
iceberg, all hands holding their
breath, turned to stone, top-hamp=
er
giving 'way, sails blown to ribbons,
first one stick going, then anoth=
er,
boom! smash! crash! duck your head
and stand from under! when up com=
es
Johnny Rogers, capstan-bar in hand,
eyes a-blazing, hair a-flying... =
no,
'twa'n't Johnny Rogers... lemme see
... seems to me Johnny Rogers wa'=
n't
along that voyage; he was along
one voyage, I know that mighty we=
ll,
but somehow it seems to me that he
signed the articles for this voya=
ge,
but--but--whether he come along or
not, or got left, or something
happened--"
And so on and so on till the exci=
tement
all cooled down and nobody cared
whether the ship struck the icebe=
rg or
not.
In the course of his talk he ramb=
led
into a criticism upon
degrees of merit in ship building=
. Said
he, "You get a vessel built away
down Maine-way;
do, you want to heave her down for
repairs--that's the result! Well,
sir, she hain't been hove down a =
week
till you can heave a dog through
her seams. You send that vessel t=
o sea,
and what's the result? She wets
her oakum the first trip! Leave i=
t to
any man if 'tain't so. Well,
you let our folks build you a
vessel--down New Bedford-way. What's the
result? Well, sir, you might take=
that
ship and heave her down, and keep
her hove down six months, and she=
'll
never shed a tear!"
Everybody, landsmen and all, reco=
gnized
the descriptive neatness of
that figure, and applauded, which
greatly pleased the old man. A moment
later, the meek eyes of the pale =
young
fellow heretofore mentioned came
up slowly, rested upon the old ma=
n's
face a moment, and the meek mouth
began to open.
"Shet your head!" shout=
ed the
old mariner.
It was a rather startling surpris=
e to
everybody, but it was effective
in the matter of its purpose. So =
the
conversation flowed on instead of
perishing.
There was some talk about the per=
ils of
the sea, and a landsman
delivered himself of the customary
nonsense about the poor mariner
wandering in far oceans,
tempest-tossed, pursued by dangers, every
storm-blast and thunderbolt in th=
e home
skies moving the friends by
snug firesides to compassion for =
that
poor mariner, and prayers for his
succor. Captain Bowling put up wi=
th
this for a while, and then burst out
with a new view of the matter.
"Come, belay there! I have r=
ead
this kind of rot all my life in poetry
and tales and such-like rubbage. =
Pity
for the poor mariner! sympathy for
the poor mariner! All right enoug=
h, but
not in the way the poetry puts
it. Pity for the mariner's wife! =
all
right again, but not in the way the
poetry puts it. Look-a here! whose
life's the safest in the whole world
The poor mariner's. You look at t=
he
statistics, you'll see. So don't you
fool away any sympathy on the poo=
r mariner's
dangers and privations and
sufferings. Leave that to the poe=
try
muffs. Now you look at the other
side a minute. Here is Captain Br=
ace,
forty years old, been at sea
thirty. On his way now to take co=
mmand
of his ship and sail south from
passengers, sociable company; just
enough to do to keep his mind healthy
and not tire him; king over his s=
hip,
boss of everything and everybody;
thirty years' safety to learn him=
that
his profession ain't a dangerous
one. Now you look back at his hom=
e. His
wife's a feeble woman; she's a
stranger in
according to the season; don't kn=
ow
anybody hardly; no company but her
lonesomeness and her thoughts; hu=
sband
gone six months at a time.
She has borne eight children; fiv=
e of
them she has buried without her
husband ever setting eyes on them=
. She
watches them all the long nights
till they died--he comfortable on=
the
sea; she followed them to the
grave she heard the clods fall th=
at
broke her heart he comfortable on
the sea; she mourned at home, wee=
ks and
weeks, missing them every day
and every hour--he cheerful at se=
a,
knowing nothing about it. Now look
at it a minute--turn it over in y=
our
mind and size it: five children
born, she among strangers, and hi=
m not
by to hearten her; buried,
and him not by to comfort her; th=
ink of
that! Sympathy for the poor
mariner's perils is rot; give it =
to his
wife's hard lines, where it
belongs! Poetry makes out that al=
l the
wife worries about is the dangers
her husband's running. She's got
substantialer things to worry over,
I tell you. Poetry's always pityi=
ng the
poor mariner on account of his
perils at sea; better a blamed si=
ght
pity him for the nights he can't
sleep for thinking of how he had =
to
leave his wife in her very birth
pains, lonesome and friendless, i=
n the
thick of disease and trouble and
death. If there's one thing that =
can
make me madder than another, it's
this sappy, damned maritime
poetry!"
Captain Brace was a patient, gent=
le,
seldom speaking man, with a
pathetic something in his bronzed=
face
that had been a mystery up to
this time, but stood interpreted =
now
since we had heard his story. He
had voyaged eighteen times to the
Mediterranean, seven times to
once to the arctic pole in a
discovery-ship, and "between times" had
visited all the remote seas and o=
cean
corners of the globe. But he said
that twelve years ago, on account=
of
his family, he "settled down," and
ever since then had ceased to roa=
m. And
what do you suppose was this
simple-hearted, lifelong wanderer=
's
idea of settling down and ceasing to
roam? Why, the making of two five=
-month
voyages a year between
and
Among other talk to-day, it came =
out
that whale-ships carry no doctor.
The captain adds the doctorship t=
o his
own duties. He not only gives
medicines, but sets broken limbs =
after
notions of his own, or saws
them off and sears the stump when
amputation seems best. The captain is
provided with a medicine-chest, w=
ith
the medicines numbered instead of
named. A book of directions goes =
with
this. It describes diseases and
symptoms, and says, "Give a
teaspoonful of No. 9 once an hour," or "Give
ten grains of No. 12 every
half-hour," etc. One of our sea-captains
came across a skipper in the North
Pacific who was in a state of great
surprise and perplexity. Said he:=
"There's something rotten ab=
out
this medicine-chest business. One of
my men was sick--nothing much the
matter. I looked in the book: it said
give him a teaspoonful of No. 15.=
I
went to the medicine-chest, and
I see I was out of No. 15. I judg=
ed I'd
got to get up a combination
somehow that would fill the bill;=
so I
hove into the fellow half a
teaspoonful of No. 8 and half a
teaspoonful of No. 7, and I'll be hanged
if it didn't kill him in fifteen
minutes! There's something about this
medicine-chest system that's too =
many
for me!"
There was a good deal of pleasant
gossip about old Captain "Hurricane"
Jones, of the
us present had known him; I
particularly well, for I had made four
sea-voyages with him. He was a ve=
ry
remarkable man. He was born in a
ship; he picked up what little
education he had among his shipmates;
he began life in the forecastle, =
and
climbed grade by grade to the
captaincy. More than fifty years =
of his
sixty-five were spent at sea.
He had sailed all oceans, seen all
lands, and borrowed a tint from all
climates. When a man has been fif=
ty
years at sea he necessarily knows
nothing of men, nothing of the wo=
rld
but its surface, nothing of the
world's thought, nothing of the w=
orld's
learning but it's a B C, and
that blurred and distorted by the
unfocused lenses of an untrained mind.
Such a man is only a gray and bea=
rded
child. That is what old Hurricane
Jones was--simply an innocent, lo=
vable
old infant. When his spirit was
in repose he was as sweet and gen=
tle as
a girl; when his wrath was up he
was a hurricane that made his nic=
kname
seem tamely descriptive. He
was formidable in a fight, for he=
was
of powerful build and dauntless
courage. He was frescoed from hea=
d to
heel with pictures and mottoes
tattooed in red and blue India in=
k. I
was with him one voyage when he
got his last vacant space tattooe=
d;
this vacant space was around his
left ankle. During three days he
stumped about the ship with his ankle
bare and swollen, and this legend
gleaming red and angry out from a
clouding of India ink: "Virt=
ue is
its own R'd." (There was a lack of
room.) He was deeply and sincerely
pious, and swore like a fishwoman. He
considered swearing blameless, be=
cause
sailors would not understand an
order unillumined by it. He was a
profound biblical scholar--that is, he
thought he was. He believed every=
thing
in the Bible, but he had his own
methods of arriving at his belief=
s. He
was of the "advanced" school
of thinkers, and applied natural =
laws
to the interpretation of all
miracles, somewhat on the plan of=
the
people who make the six days of
creation six geological epochs, a=
nd so
forth. Without being aware of it,
he was a rather severe satire on =
modern
scientific religionists. Such
a man as I have been describing is
rabidly fond of disquisition and
argument; one knows that without =
being
told it.
One trip the captain had a clergy=
man on
board, but did not know he was
a clergyman, since the passenger-=
list
did not betray the fact. He took
a great liking to this Reverend M=
r.
Peters, and talked with him a great
deal; told him yarns, gave him
toothsome scraps of personal history, and
wove a glittering streak of profa=
nity
through his garrulous fabric that
was refreshing to a spirit weary =
of the
dull neutralities of undecorated
speech. One day the captain said,
"Peters, do you ever read the Bible?"
"Well--yes."
"I judge it ain't often, by =
the
way you say it. Now, you tackle it
in dead earnest once, and you'll =
find
it 'll pay. Don't you get
discouraged, but hang right on. F=
irst,
you won't understand it; but by
and by things will begin to clear=
up,
and then you wouldn't lay it down
to eat."
"Yes, I have heard that
said."
"And it's so, too. There ain=
't a
book that begins with it. It lays
over 'm all, Peters. There's some
pretty tough things in it--there ain't
any getting around that--but you =
stick
to them and think them out, and
when once you get on the inside
everything's plain as day."
"The miracles, too, captain?=
"
"Yes, sir! the miracles, too.
Every one of them. Now, there's that
business with the prophets of Baa=
l;
like enough that stumped you?"
"Well, I don't know but--&qu=
ot;
"Own up now; it stumped you.=
Well,
I don't wonder. You hadn't had any
experience in raveling such thing=
s out,
and naturally it was too many
for you. Would you like to have me
explain that thing to you, and show
you how to get at the meat of the=
se
matters?"
"Indeed, I would, captain, i=
f you
don't mind."
Then the captain proceeded as fol=
lows:
"I'll do it with pleasure.
First, you see, I read and read, =
and
thought and thought, till I got
to understand what sort of people=
they
were in the old Bible times, and
then after that it was all clear =
and
easy. Now this was the way I put
it up, concerning Isaac--[This is=
the
captain's own mistake]--and the
prophets of Baal. There was some =
mighty
sharp men among the public
characters of that old ancient da=
y, and
Isaac was one of them. Isaac
had his failings--plenty of them,=
too;
it ain't for me to apologize
for Isaac; he played it on the pr=
ophets
of Baal, and like enough he was
justifiable, considering the odds=
that
was against him. No, all I say
is, 'twa'n't any miracle, and tha=
t I'll
show you so's't you can see it
yourself.
"Well, times had been getting
rougher and rougher for prophets--that
is, prophets of Isaac's denominat=
ion.
There was four hundred and fifty
prophets of Baal in the community=
, and
only one Presbyterian; that is,
if Isaac was a Presbyterian, whic=
h I
reckon he was, but it don't say.
Naturally, the prophets of Baal t=
ook
all the trade. Isaac was pretty
low-spirited, I reckon, but he wa=
s a
good deal of a man, and no doubt
he went a-prophesying around, let=
ting
on to be doing a land-office
business, but 'twa'n't any use; he
couldn't run any opposition to amount
to anything. By and by things got
desperate with him; he sets his head
to work and thinks it all out, an=
d then
what does he do? Why, he
begins to throw out hints that the
other parties are this and that and
t'other--nothing very definite, m=
aybe,
but just kind of undermining
their reputation in a quiet way. =
This
made talk, of course, and finally
got to the king. The king asked I=
saac
what he meant by his talk. Says
Isaac, 'Oh, nothing particular; o=
nly,
can they pray-down fire from
heaven on an altar? It ain't much,
maybe, your majesty, only can they do
it? That's the idea.' So the king=
was a
good deal disturbed, and he went
to the prophets of Baal, and they=
said,
pretty airy, that if he had
an altar ready, they were ready; =
and
they intimated he better get it
insured, too.
"So next morning all the chi=
ldren
of
other people gathered themselves
together. Well, here was that great
crowd of prophets of Baal packed
together on one side, and Isaac walking
up and down all alone on the othe=
r,
putting up his job. When time was
called, Isaac let on to be comfor=
table
and indifferent; told the other
team to take the first innings. S=
o they
went at it, the whole four
hundred and fifty, praying around=
the
altar, very hopeful, and doing
their level best. They prayed an
hour--two hours--three hours--and so
on, plumb till noon. It wa'n't an=
y use;
they hadn't took a trick. Of
course they felt kind of ashamed =
before
all those people, and well they
might. Now, what would a magnanim=
ous
man do? Keep still, wouldn't he? Of
course. What did Isaac do? He gra=
veled
the prophets of Baal every way
he could think of. Says he, 'You =
don't
speak up loud enough; your god's
asleep, like enough, or maybe he'=
s taking
a walk; you want to holler,
you know'--or words to that effec=
t; I
don't recollect the exact
language. Mind, I don't apologize=
for
Isaac; he had his faults.
"Well, the prophets of Baal =
prayed
along the best they knew how all the
afternoon, and never raised, a sp=
ark.
At last, about sundown, they were
all tuckered out, and they owned =
up and
quit.
"What does Isaac do now? He =
steps
up and says to some friends of
his there, 'Pour four barrels of =
water
on the altar!' Everybody was
astonished; for the other side had
prayed at it dry, you know, and got
whitewashed. They poured it on. S=
ays
he, 'Heave on four more barrels.'
Then he says, 'Heave on four more=
.'
Twelve barrels, you see, altogether.
The water ran all over the altar,=
and
all down the sides, and filled up
a trench around it that would hol=
d a
couple of hogsheads-'measures,' it
says; I reckon it means about a
hogshead. Some of the people were going
to put on their things and go, fo=
r they
allowed he was crazy. They
didn't know Isaac. Isaac knelt do=
wn and
began to pray; he strung along,
and strung along, about the heath=
en in
distant lands, and about the
sister churches, and about the st=
ate
and the country at large, and about
those that's in authority in the
government, and all the usual program,
you know, till everybody had got =
tired
and gone to thinking about
something else, and then, all of a
sudden, when nobody was noticing, he
outs with a match and rakes it on=
the
under side of his leg, and pff!
up the whole thing blazes like a =
house
afire! Twelve barrels of water?
Petroleum, sir, PETROLEUM! that's=
what
it was!"
"Petroleum, captain?"
"Yes, sir, the country was f=
ull of
it. Isaac knew all about that. You
read the Bible. Don't you worry a=
bout
the tough places. They ain't tough
when you come to think them out a=
nd
throw light on them. There ain't a
thing in the Bible but what is tr=
ue;
all you want is to go prayerfully
to work and cipher out how 'twas
done."
At eight o'clock on the third mor=
ning
out from
sighted. Away across the sunny wa=
ves
one saw a faint dark stripe
stretched along under the horizon=
-or
pretended to see it, for the credit
of his eyesight. Even the Reveren=
d said
he saw it, a thing which was
manifestly not so. But I never ha=
ve
seen any one who was morally strong
enough to confess that he could n=
ot see
land when others claimed that
they could.
By and by the
lay upon the water in the distanc=
e, a
long, dull-colored body; scalloped
with slight hills and valleys. We=
could
not go straight at it, but had
to travel all the way around it,
sixteen miles from shore, because it is
fenced with an invisible coral re=
ef. At
last we sighted buoys, bobbing
here and there, and then we glide=
d into
a narrow channel among them,
"raised the reef," and =
came
upon shoaling blue water that soon further
shoaled into pale green, with a s=
urface
scarcely rippled. Now came the
resurrection hour; the berths gav=
e up
their dead. Who are these pale
specters in plug-hats and silken
flounces that file up the companionway
in melancholy procession and step=
upon
the deck? These are they which
took the infallible preventive of
seasickness in
then disappeared and were forgott=
en.
Also there came two or three faces
not seen before until this moment.
One's impulse is to ask, "Where did
you come aboard?"
We followed the narrow channel a =
long
time, with land on both sides--low
hills that might have been green =
and
grassy, but had a faded look
instead. However, the land-locked=
water
was lovely, at any rate, with
its glittering belts of blue and =
green
where moderate soundings were,
and its broad splotches of rich b=
rown
where the rocks lay near the
surface. Everybody was feeling so=
well
that even the grave, pale young
man (who, by a sort of kindly com=
mon consent,
had come latterly to be
referred to as "The Ass"=
;)
received frequent and friendly notice--which
was right enough, for there was n=
o harm
in him.
At last we steamed between two is=
land
points whose rocky jaws allowed
only just enough room for the ves=
sel's
body, and now before us loomed
terraced architecture that exists=
in
the world, perhaps.
It was Sunday afternoon, and on t=
he
pier were gathered one or two
hundred Bermudians, half of them =
black,
half of them white, and all of
them nobbily dressed, as the poet=
says.
Several boats came off to the shi=
p,
bringing citizens. One of these
citizens was a faded, diminutive =
old
gentleman, who approached our most
ancient passenger with a childlik=
e joy
in his twinkling eyes, halted
before him, folded his arms, and =
said,
smiling with all his might and
with all the simple delight that =
was in
him, "You don't know me, John!
Come, out with it now; you know y=
ou
don't!"
The ancient passenger scanned him
perplexedly, scanned the napless,
threadbare costume of venerable f=
ashion
that had done Sunday service no
man knows how many years, contemp=
lated
the marvelous stovepipe hat of
still more ancient and venerable
pattern, with its poor, pathetic old
stiff brim canted up
"gallusly" in the wrong places, and said, with a
hesitation that indicated strong
internal effort to "place" the gentle
old apparition, "Why... let =
me
see... plague on it... there's something
about you that... er... er... but=
I've
been gone from
twenty-seven years, and... hum, h=
um ...
I don't seem to get at it,
somehow, but there's something ab=
out
you that is just as familiar to me
as--"
"Likely it might be his hat,=
"
murmured the Ass, with innocent,
sympathetic interest.
So the Reverend and I had at last
arrived at Hamilton, the principal
town in the
itself. White as marble; white as
flour. Yet looking like none of these,
exactly. Never mind, we said; we =
shall
hit upon a figure by and by that
will describe this peculiar white=
.
It was a town that was compacted
together upon the sides and tops of
a cluster of small hills. Its out=
lying
borders fringed off and thinned
away among the cedar forests, and=
there
was no woody distance of curving
coast or leafy islet sleeping upo=
n the
dimpled, painted sea, but was
flecked with shining white
points--half-concealed houses peeping out of
the foliage. The architecture of =
the
town was mainly Spanish,
inherited from the colonists of t=
wo
hundred and fifty years ago. Some
ragged-topped cocoa-palms, glimps=
ed
here and there, gave the land a
tropical aspect.
There was an ample pier of heavy
masonry; upon this, under shelter, were
some thousands of barrels contain=
ing
that product which has carried the
fame of
That last sentence is facetious; =
for
they grow at least two onions in
is her jewel, her gem of gems. In=
her
conversation, her pulpit, her
literature, it is her most freque=
nt and
eloquent figure. In
metaphor it stands for
perfection--perfection absolute.
The Bermudian weeping over the de=
parted
exhausts praise when he says,
"He was an onion!" The
Bermudian extolling the living hero bankrupts
applause when he says, "He i=
s an
onion!" The Bermudian setting his son
upon the stage of life to dare an=
d do
for himself climaxes all counsel,
supplication, admonition, compreh=
ends
all ambition, when he says, "Be an
onion!"
When parallel with the pier, and =
ten or
fifteen steps outside it,
we anchored. It was Sunday, brigh=
t and
sunny. The groups upon the
pier--men, youths, and boys-were =
whites
and blacks in about equal
proportion. All were well and nea=
tly
dressed; many of them nattily, a
few of them very stylishly. One w=
ould
have to travel far before he would
find another town of twelve thous=
and
inhabitants that could represent
itself so respectably, in the mat=
ter of
clothes, on a freight-pier,
without premeditation or effort. =
The
women and young girls, black and
white, who occasionally passed by=
, were
nicely clad, and many were
elegantly and fashionably so. The=
men
did not affect summer clothing
much, but the girls and women did=
, and
their white garments were good to
look at, after so many months of
familiarity with somber colors.
Around one isolated potato-barrel=
stood
four young gentlemen, two black,
two white, becomingly dressed, ea=
ch
with the head of a slender cane
pressed against his teeth, and ea=
ch
with a foot propped up on the
barrel. Another young gentleman c=
ame
up, looked longingly at the barrel,
but saw no rest for his foot ther=
e, and
turned pensively away to seek
another barrel. He wandered here =
and
there, but without result. Nobody
sat upon a barrel, as is the cust=
om of
the idle in other lands, yet
all the isolated barrels were hum=
anly
occupied. Whosoever had a foot
to spare put it on a barrel, if a=
ll the
places on it were not already
taken. The habits of all peoples =
are
determined by their circumstances.
The Bermudians lean upon barrels
because of the scarcity of lamp-posts.
Many citizens came on board and s=
poke
eagerly to the officers--inquiring
about the Turco-Russian war news,=
I
supposed. However, by listening
judiciously I found that this was=
not
so. They said, "What is the price
of onions?" or, "How's
onions?" Naturally enough this was their first
interest; but they dropped into t=
he war
the moment it was satisfied.
We went ashore and found a novelt=
y of a
pleasant nature: there were
no hackmen, hacks, or omnibuses o=
n the
pier or about it anywhere, and
nobody offered his services to us=
, or
molested us in any way. I said it
was like being in heaven. The Rev=
erend
rebukingly and rather pointedly
advised me to make the most of it,
then. We knew of a boarding-house,
and what we needed now was somebo=
dy to
pilot us to it. Presently
a little barefooted colored boy c=
ame
along, whose raggedness was
conspicuously not Bermudian. His =
rear
was so marvelously bepatched with
colored squares and triangles tha=
t one
was half persuaded he had got it
out of an atlas. When the sun str=
uck
him right, he was as good to follow
as a lightning-bug. We hired him =
and
dropped into his wake. He piloted
us through one picturesque street=
after
another, and in due course
deposited us where we belonged. He
charged nothing for his map, and but
a trifle for his services: so the
Reverend doubled it. The little chap
received the money with a beaming
applause in his eye which plainly
said, "This man's an onion!&=
quot;
We had brought no letters of
introduction; our names had been misspelled
in the passenger-list; nobody knew
whether we were honest folk or
otherwise. So we were expecting t=
o have
a good private time in case
there was nothing in our general =
aspect
to close boarding-house doors
against us. We had no trouble. Bermuda has had but little experience of
rascals, and is not suspicious. W=
e got
large, cool, well-lighted rooms
on a second floor, overlooking a =
bloomy
display of flowers and flowering
shrubscalia and annunciation lili=
es,
lantanas, heliotrope, jasmine,
roses, pinks, double geraniums,
oleanders, pomegranates, blue
morning-glories of a great size, =
and
many plants that were unknown to
me.
We took a long afternoon walk, an=
d soon
found out that that exceedingly
white town was built of blocks of=
white
coral.
island, with a six-inch crust of =
soil
on top of it, and every man has
a quarry on his own premises.
Everywhere you go you see square recesses
cut into the hillsides, with
perpendicular walls unmarred by crack
or crevice, and perhaps you fancy=
that
a house grew out of the ground
there, and has been removed in a =
single
piece from the mold. If you do,
you err. But the material for a h=
ouse
has been quarried there. They cut
right down through the coral, to =
any
depth that is convenient--ten to
twenty feet--and take it out in g=
reat
square blocks. This cutting is
done with a chisel that has a han=
dle
twelve or fifteen feet long, and is
used as one uses a crowbar when h=
e is
drilling a hole, or a dasher when
he is churning. Thus soft is this
stone. Then with a common handsaw they
saw the great blocks into handsom=
e,
huge bricks that are two feet long,
a foot wide, and about six inches
thick. These stand loosely piled
during a month to harden; then th=
e work
of building begins.
The house is built of these block=
s; it
is roofed with broad coral slabs
an inch thick, whose edges lap up=
on
each other, so that the roof looks
like a succession of shallow step=
s or
terraces; the chimneys are built
of the coral blocks, and sawed in=
to
graceful and picturesque patterns;
the ground-floor veranda is paved=
with
coral blocks; also the walk to
the gate; the fence is built of c=
oral
blocks--built in massive panels,
with broad capstones and heavy
gate-posts, and the whole trimmed into
easy lines and comely shape with =
the
saw. Then they put a hard coat of
whitewash, as thick as your thumb=
-nail,
on the fence and all over the
house, roof, chimneys, and all; t=
he sun
comes out and shines on this
spectacle, and it is time for you=
to
shut your unaccustomed eyes, lest
they be put out. It is the whitest
white you can conceive of, and the
blindingest. A
intenser white than that; and, be=
sides,
there is a dainty, indefinable
something else about its look tha=
t is
not marble-like. We put in a great
deal of solid talk and reflection=
over
this matter of trying to find a
figure that would describe the un=
ique
white of a
contrived to hit upon it at last.=
It is
exactly the white of the icing
of a cake, and has the same
unemphasized and scarcely perceptible
polish. The white of marble is mo=
dest
and retiring compared with it.
After the house is cased in its h=
ard
scale of whitewash, not a crack, or
sign of a seam, or joining of the
blocks is detectable, from base-stone
to chimney-top; the building look=
s as
if it had been carved from a
single block of stone, and the do=
ors
and windows sawed out afterward. A
white marble house has a cold,
tomb-like, unsociable look, and takes
the conversation out of a body an=
d depresses
him. Not so with a
house. There is something exhilar=
ating,
even hilarious, about its vivid
whiteness when the sun plays upon=
it.
If it be of picturesque shape and
graceful contour--and many of the
Bermudian dwellings are--it will so
fascinate you that you will keep =
your
eyes on it until they ache. One
of those clean-cut, fanciful
chimneys--too pure and white for this
world--with one side glowing in t=
he sun
and the other touched with a
soft shadow, is an object that wi=
ll
charm one's gaze by the hour. I know
of no other country that has chim=
neys
worthy to be gazed at and gloated
over. One of those snowy houses, =
half
concealed and half glimpsed
through green foliage, is a pretty
thing to see; and if it takes one by
surprise and suddenly, as he turn=
s a
sharp corner of a country road, it
will wring an exclamation from hi=
m,
sure.
Wherever you go, in town or count=
ry,
you find those snowy houses, and
always with masses of bright-colo=
red
flowers about them, but with no
vines climbing their walls; vines=
cannot
take hold of the smooth, hard
whitewash. Wherever you go, in th=
e town
or along the country roads,
among little potato farms and pat=
ches
or expensive country-seats, these
stainless white dwellings, gleami=
ng out
from flowers and foliage, meet
you at every turn. The least litt=
le bit
of a cottage is as white and
blemishless as the stateliest man=
sion.
Nowhere is there dirt or stench,
puddle or hog-wallow, neglect,
disorder, or lack of trimness and
neatness. The roads, the streets,=
the
dwellings, the people, the
clothes--this neatness extends to
everything that falls under the eye.
It is the tidiest country in the =
world.
And very much the tidiest, too.
Considering these things, the que=
stion
came up, Where do the poor live?
No answer was arrived at. Therefo=
re, we
agreed to leave this conundrum
for future statesmen to wrangle o=
ver.
What a bright and startling spect=
acle
one of those blazing white
country palaces, with its brown-t=
inted
window-caps and ledges, and green
shutters, and its wealth of cares=
sing
flowers and foliage, would be in
black
American city one could mention, =
too!
coral--or a good many feet, where=
a
hill intrudes itself--and smoothing
off the surface of the road-bed. =
It is
a simple and easy process. The
grain of the coral is coarse and
porous; the road-bed has the look of
being made of coarse white sugar.=
Its
excessive cleanness and whiteness
are a trouble in one way: the sun=
is
reflected into your eyes with
such energy as you walk along tha=
t you
want to sneeze all the time. Old
Captain Tom Bowling found another
difficulty. He joined us in our walk,
but kept wandering unrestfully to=
the
roadside. Finally he explained.
Said he, "Well, I chew, you =
know,
and the road's so plagued clean."
We walked several miles that afte=
rnoon
in the bewildering glare of the
sun, the white roads, and the whi=
te
buildings. Our eyes got to paining
us a good deal. By and by a sooth=
ing,
blessed twilight spread its cool
balm around. We looked up in plea=
sed
surprise and saw that it proceeded
from an intensely black negro who=
was
going by. We answered his military
salute in the grateful gloom of h=
is
near presence, and then passed on
into the pitiless white glare aga=
in.
The colored women whom we met usu=
ally
bowed and spoke; so did the
children. The colored men commonl=
y gave
the military salute. They borrow
this fashion from the soldiers, no
doubt;
here for generations. The younger=
men's
custom of carrying small canes
is also borrowed from the soldier=
s, I
suppose, who always carry a cane,
in Bermuda as everywhere else in =
The country roads curve and wind =
hither
and thither in the delightfulest
way, unfolding pretty surprises at
every turn: billowy masses of
oleander that seem to float out f=
rom
behind distant projections like the
pink cloud-banks of sunset; sudden
plunges among cottages and gardens,
life and activity, followed by as
sudden plunges into the somber
twilight and stillness of the woo=
ds;
flitting visions of white
fortresses and beacon towers pict=
ured
against the sky on remote
hilltops; glimpses of shining gre=
en sea
caught for a moment through
opening headlands, then lost agai=
n; more
woods and solitude; and by and
by another turn lays bare, without
warning, the full sweep of the
inland ocean, enriched with its b=
ars of
soft color and graced with its
wandering sails.
Take any road you please, you may
depend upon it you will not stay in
it half a mile. Your road is ever=
ything
that a road ought to be: it is
bordered with trees, and with str=
ange
plants and flowers; it is shady
and pleasant, or sunny and still
pleasant; it carries you by the
prettiest and peacefulest and most
homelike of homes, and through
stretches of forest that lie in a=
deep
hush sometimes, and sometimes are
alive with the music of birds; it
curves always, which is a continual
promise, whereas straight roads r=
eveal
everything at a glance and kill
interest. Your road is all this, =
and
yet you will not stay in it half a
mile, for the reason that little
seductive, mysterious roads are always
branching out from it on either h=
and,
and as these curve sharply also
and hide what is beyond, you cann=
ot
resist the temptation to desert your
own chosen road and explore them.=
You
are usually paid for your trouble;
consequently, your walk inland al=
ways
turns out to be one of the most
crooked, involved, purposeless, a=
nd
interesting experiences a body can
imagine. There is enough of varie=
ty.
Sometimes you are in the level
open, with marshes thick grown wi=
th
flag-lances that are ten feet high
on the one hand, and potato and o=
nion
orchards on the other; next, you
are on a hilltop, with the ocean =
and
the islands spread around you;
presently the road winds through =
a deep
cut, shut in by perpendicular
walls thirty or forty feet high, =
marked
with the oddest and abruptest
stratum lines, suggestive of sudd=
en and
eccentric old upheavals, and
garnished with here and there a
clinging adventurous flower, and here
and there a dangling vine; and by=
and
by your way is along the sea edge,
and you may look down a fathom or=
two
through the transparent water and
watch the diamond-like flash and =
play
of the light upon the rocks and
sands on the bottom until you are=
tired
of it--if you are so constituted
as to be able to get tired of it.=
You may march the country roads in
maiden meditation, fancy free, by
field and farm, for no dog will p=
lunge
out at you from unsuspected gate,
with breath-taking surprise of fe=
rocious
bark, notwithstanding it is
a Christian land and a civilized.=
We
saw upward of a million cats in
or three nights we prowled the co=
untry
far and wide, and never once were
accosted by a dog. It is a great
privilege to visit such a land. The
cats were no offense when properly
distributed, but when piled they
obstructed travel.
As we entered the edge of the tow=
n that
Sunday afternoon, we stopped
at a cottage to get a drink of wa=
ter.
The proprietor, a middle-aged
man with a good face, asked us to=
sit
down and rest. His dame brought
chairs, and we grouped ourselves =
in the
shade of the trees by the door.
Mr. Smith--that was not his name,=
but
it will answer--questioned us
about ourselves and our country, =
and we
answered him truthfully, as a
general thing, and questioned him=
in
return. It was all very simple
and pleasant and sociable. Rural,=
too;
for there was a pig and a small
donkey and a hen anchored out, cl=
ose at
hand, by cords to their legs, on
a spot that purported to be grass=
y.
Presently, a woman passed along, and
although she coldly said nothing =
she
changed the drift of our talk. Said
Smith:
"She didn't look this way, y=
ou
noticed? Well, she is our next neighbor
on one side, and there's another =
family
that's our next neighbors on the
other side; but there's a general
coolness all around now, and we don't
speak. Yet these three families, =
one
generation and another, have lived
here side by side and been as fri=
endly
as weavers for a hundred and
fifty years, till about a year
ago."
"Why, what calamity could ha=
ve
been powerful enough to break up so old a
friendship?"
"Well, it was too bad, but it
couldn't be helped. It happened like this:
About a year or more ago, the rat=
s got
to pestering my place a good
deal, and I set up a steel trap i=
n my
back yard. Both of these neighbors
run considerable to cats, and so I
warned them about the trap, because
their cats were pretty sociable a=
round
here nights, and they might get
into trouble without my intending=
it.
Well, they shut up their cats for
a while, but you know how it is w=
ith
people; they got careless, and sure
enough one night the trap took Mr=
s.
Jones's principal tomcat into camp
and finished him up. In the morni=
ng
Mrs. Jones comes here with the
corpse in her arms, and cries and=
takes
on the same as if it was a
child. It was a cat by the name of
Yelverton--Hector G. Yelverton--a
troublesome old rip, with no more
principle than an Injun, though you
couldn't make her believe it. I s=
aid
all a man could to comfort her, but
no, nothing would do but I must p=
ay for
him. Finally, I said I warn't
investing in cats now as much as =
I was,
and with that she walked off in
a huff, carrying the remains with=
her.
That closed our intercourse with
the Joneses. Mrs. Jones joined an=
other
church and took her tribe with
her. She said she would not hold
fellowship with assassins. Well, by and
by comes Mrs. Brown's turn--she t=
hat
went by here a minute ago. She had
a disgraceful old yellow cat that=
she
thought as much of as if he was
twins, and one night he tried tha=
t trap
on his neck, and it fitted him
so, and was so sort of satisfacto=
ry,
that he laid down and curled up and
stayed with it. Such was the end =
of Sir
John Baldwin."
"Was that the name of the
cat?"
"The same. There's cats arou=
nd
here with names that would surprise
you. Maria" (to his wife),
"what was that cat's name that eat a keg of
ratsbane by mistake over at Hoope=
r's,
and started home and got struck by
lightning and took the blind stag=
gers
and fell in the well and was 'most
drowned before they could fish him
out?"
"That was that colored Deacon
Jackson's cat. I only remember the last
end of its name, which was
Hold-The-Fort-For-I-Am-Coming Jackson."
"Sho! that ain't the one. Th=
at's
the one that eat up an entire box of
Seidlitz powders, and then hadn't=
any
more judgment than to go and take
a drink. He was considered to be a
great loss, but I never could see it.
Well, no matter about the names. =
Mrs.
Brown wanted to be reasonable, but
Mrs. Jones wouldn't let her. She =
put
her up to going to law for damages.
So to law she went, and had the f=
ace to
claim seven shillings and
sixpence. It made a great stir. A=
ll the
neighbors went to court.
Everybody took sides. It got hott=
er and
hotter, and broke up all the
friendships for three hundred yar=
ds
around friendships that had lasted
for generations and generations.<= o:p>
"Well, I proved by eleven
witnesses that the cat was of a low character
and very ornery, and warn't worth=
a
canceled postage-stamp, anyway,
taking the average of cats here; =
but I
lost the case. What could I
expect? The system is all wrong h=
ere,
and is bound to make revolution
and bloodshed some day. You see, =
they
give the magistrate a poor little
starvation salary, and then turn =
him
loose on the public to gouge for
fees and costs to live on. What i=
s the
natural result? Why, he never
looks into the justice of a case-=
-never
once. All he looks at is which
client has got the money. So this=
one
piled the fees and costs and
everything on to me. I could pay
specie, don't you see? and he knew
mighty well that if he put the ve=
rdict
on to Mrs. Brown, where it
belonged, he'd have to take his s=
wag in
currency."
"Currency? Why, has
"Yes--onions. And they were =
forty
per cent. discount, too, then, because
the season had been over as much =
as
three months. So I lost my case. I
had to pay for that cat. But the
general trouble the case made was the
worst thing about it. Broke up so=
much
good feeling. The neighbors don't
speak to each other now. Mrs. Bro=
wn had
named a child after me. But she
changed its name right away. She =
is a
Baptist. Well, in the course of
baptizing it over again it got dr=
owned.
I was hoping we might get to be
friendly again some time or other=
, but
of course this drowning the child
knocked that all out of the quest=
ion.
It would have saved a world of
heartbreak and ill blood if she h=
ad
named it dry."
I knew by the sigh that this was
honest. All this trouble and all this
destruction of confidence in the =
purity
of the bench on account of a
seven-shilling lawsuit about a ca=
t!
Somehow, it seemed to "size" the
country.
At this point we observed that an
English flag had just been placed at
half-mast on a building a hundred=
yards
away. I and my friends were
busy in an instant trying to imag=
ine
whose death, among the island
dignitaries, could command such a=
mark
of respect as this. Then a
shudder shook them and me at the =
same
moment, and I knew that we
had jumped to one and the same
conclusion: "The governor has gone to
At this moment Mr. Smith noticed =
the
flag. He said with emotion:
"That's on a boarding-house.=
I
judge there's a boarder dead."
A dozen other flags within view w=
ent to
half-mast.
"It's a boarder, sure,"=
said
Smith.
"But would they half-mast th=
e flags
here for a boarder, Mr. Smith?"
"Why, certainly they would, =
if he
was dead."
That seemed to size the country a=
gain.
The early twilight of a Sunday ev=
ening
in
alluring time. There is just enou=
gh of
whispering breeze, fragrance of
flowers, and sense of repose to r=
aise
one's thoughts heavenward; and
just enough amateur piano music t=
o keep
him reminded of the other
place. There are many venerable p=
ianos
in
at twilight. Age enlarges and enr=
iches
the powers of some musical
instruments--notably those of the
violin--but it seems to set a piano's
teeth on edge. Most of the music =
in
vogue there is the same that those
pianos prattled in their innocent
infancy; and there is something very
pathetic about it when they go ov=
er it
now, in their asthmatic second
childhood, dropping a note here a=
nd
there where a tooth is gone.
We attended evening service at the
stately Episcopal church on the hill,
where five or six hundred people,=
half
of them white and the other
half black, according to the usual
Bermudian proportions; and all well
dressed--a thing which is also us=
ual in
expected. There was good music, w=
hich
we heard, and doubtless--a good
sermon, but there was a wonderful=
deal
of coughing, and so only the high
parts of the argument carried ove=
r it.
As we came out, after service, I
overheard one young girl say to
another:
"Why, you don't mean to say =
you
pay duty on gloves and laces! I only pay
postage; have them done up and se=
nt in
the Boston Advertiser."
There are those that believe that=
the
most difficult thing to create
is a woman who can comprehend tha=
t it
is wrong to smuggle; and that an
impossible thing to create is a w=
oman
who will not smuggle, whether or
no, when she gets a chance. But t=
hese
may be errors.
We went wandering off toward the
country, and were soon far down in
the lonely black depths of a road=
that
was roofed over with the dense
foliage of a double rank of great
cedars. There was no sound of any kind
there; it was perfectly still. An=
d it
was so dark that one could detect
nothing but somber outlines. We s=
trode
farther and farther down this
tunnel, cheering the way with cha=
t.
Presently the chat took this shap=
e:
"How insensibly the character of the
people and of a government makes =
its
impress upon a stranger, and gives
him a sense of security or of
insecurity without his taking deliberate
thought upon the matter or asking
anybody a question! We have been in
this land half a day; we have see=
n none
but honest faces; we have noted
the British flag flying, which me=
ans
efficient government and good
order; so without inquiry we plun=
ge
unarmed and with perfect confidence
into this dismal place, which in =
almost
any other country would swarm
with thugs and garroters--"<= o:p>
'Sh! What was that? Stealthy foot=
steps!
Low voices! We gasp, we close up
together, and wait. A vague shape
glides out of the dusk and confronts
us. A voice speaks--demands money=
!
"A shilling, gentlemen, if y=
ou
please, to help build the new Methodist
church."
Blessed sound! Holy sound! We
contribute with thankful avidity to the
new Methodist church, and are hap=
py to
think how lucky it was that those
little colored Sunday-school scho=
lars
did not seize upon everything
we had with violence, before we r=
ecovered
from our momentary helpless
condition. By the light of cigars=
we
write down the names of weightier
philanthropists than ourselves on=
the
contribution cards, and then pass
on into the farther darkness, say=
ing,
What sort of a government do
they call this, where they allow =
little
black pious children, with
contribution cards, to plunge out=
upon
peaceable strangers in the dark
and scare them to death?
We prowled on several hours, some=
times
by the seaside, sometimes inland,
and finally managed to get lost, =
which
is a feat that requires talent in
not more than 5's now, and still
diminishing. I walked two hours in
those shoes after that, before we
reached home. Doubtless I could have
the reader's sympathy for the ask=
ing.
Many people have never had the
headache or the toothache, and I =
am one
of those myself; but every body
has worn tight shoes for two or t=
hree
hours, and known the luxury of
taking them off in a retired plac=
e and
seeing his feet swell up and
obscure the firmament. Once when =
I was
a callow, bashful cub, I took a
plain, unsentimental country girl=
to a
comedy one night. I had known her
a day; she seemed divine; I wore =
my new
boots. At the end of the first
half-hour she said, "Why do =
you
fidget so with your feet?" I said, "Did
I?" Then I put my attention =
there
and kept still. At the end of another
half-hour she said, "Why do =
you
say, 'Yes, oh yes!' and 'Ha, ha, oh,
certainly! very true!' to everyth=
ing I
say, when half the time those are
entirely irrelevant answers?"=
; I
blushed, and explained that I had been a
little absent-minded. At the end =
of
another half-hour she said, "Please,
why do you grin so steadfastly at
vacancy, and yet look so sad?" I
explained that I always did that =
when I
was reflecting. An hour passed,
and then she turned and contempla=
ted me
with her earnest eyes and said,
"Why do you cry all the
time?" I explained that very funny comedies
always made me cry. At last human
nature surrendered, and I secretly
slipped my boots off. This was a
mistake. I was not able to get them on
any more. It was a rainy night; t=
here
were no omnibuses going our way;
and as I walked home, burning up =
with
shame, with the girl on one
arm and my boots under the other,=
I was
an object worthy of some
compassion--especially in those m=
oments
of martyrdom when I had to
pass through the glare that fell =
upon
the pavement from street-lamps.
Finally, this child of the forest=
said,
"Where are your boots?" and
being taken unprepared, I put a f=
itting
finish to the follies of the
evening with the stupid remark,
"The higher classes do not wear them to
the theater."
The Reverend had been an army cha=
plain
during the war, and while we were
hunting for a road that would lea=
d to
dying soldiers which interested m=
e in
spite of my feet. He said that in
the
but that it was not always possib=
le to
keep up with the demand; so, when
a man died, if there was no coffi=
n at hand
he was buried without one.
One night, late, two soldiers lay=
dying
in a ward. A man came in with
a coffin on his shoulder, and sto=
od
trying to make up his mind which of
these two poor fellows would be l=
ikely
to need it first. Both of them
begged for it with their fading
eyes--they were past talking. Then one
of them protruded a wasted hand f=
rom
his blankets and made a feeble
beckoning sign with the fingers, =
to
signify, "Be a good fellow; put
it under my bed, please." Th=
e man
did it, and left. The lucky soldier
painfully turned himself in his b=
ed
until he faced the other warrior,
raised himself partly on his elbo=
w, and
began to work up a mysterious
expression of some kind in his fa=
ce.
Gradually, irksomely, but surely
and steadily, it developed, and a=
t last
it took definite form as a
pretty successful wink. The suffe=
rer
fell back exhausted with his
labor, but bathed in glory. Now e=
ntered
a personal friend of No. 2,
the despoiled soldier. No. 2 plea=
ded
with him with eloquent eyes, till
presently he understood, and remo=
ved
the coffin from under No. 1's bed
and put it under No. 2's. No. 2
indicated his joy, and made some more
signs; the friend understood agai=
n, and
put his arm under No. 2's
shoulders and lifted him partly u=
p.
Then the dying hero turned the dim
exultation of his eye upon No. 1,=
and
began a slow and labored work with
his hands; gradually he lifted on=
e hand
up toward his face; it grew weak
and dropped back again; once more=
he
made the effort, but failed again.
He took a rest; he gathered all t=
he remnant
of his strength, and this
time he slowly but surely carried=
his
thumb to the side of his nose,
spread the gaunt fingers wide in
triumph, and dropped back dead. That
picture sticks by me yet. The
"situation" is unique.
The next morning, at what seemed =
a very
early hour, the little white
table-waiter appeared suddenly in=
my
room and shot a single word out of
himself "Breakfast!"
This was a remarkable boy in many=
ways.
He was about eleven years old;
he had alert, intent black eyes; =
he was
quick of movement; there was
no hesitation, no uncertainty abo=
ut him
anywhere; there was a military
decision in his lip, his manner, =
his
speech, that was an astonishing
thing to see in a little chap lik=
e him;
he wasted no words; his answers
always came so quick and brief th=
at
they seemed to be part of the
question that had been asked inst=
ead of
a reply to it. When he stood
at table with his fly-brush, rigi=
d,
erect, his face set in a cast-iron
gravity, he was a statue till he
detected a dawning want in somebody's
eye; then he pounced down, suppli=
ed it,
and was instantly a statue
again. When he was sent to the ki=
tchen
for anything, he marched upright
till he got to the door; he turned
hand-springs the rest of the way.
"Breakfast!"
I thought I would make one more e=
ffort
to get some conversation out of
this being.
"Have you called the Reveren=
d, or
are--"
"Yes s'r!"
"Is it early, or is--"<= o:p>
"Eight-five."
"Do you have to do all the
'chores,' or is there somebody to give you
a--"
"Colored girl."
"Is there only one parish in=
this
island, or are there--"
"Eight!"
"Is the big church on the hi=
ll a
parish church, or is it--"
"Chapel-of-ease!"
"Is taxation here classified=
into
poll, parish, town, and--"
"Don't know!"
Before I could cudgel another que=
stion
out of my head, he was below,
hand-springing across the back ya=
rd. He
had slid down the balusters,
headfirst. I gave up trying to pr=
ovoke
a discussion with him. The
essential element of discussion h=
ad
been left out of him; his answers
were so final and exact that they=
did not
leave a doubt to hang
conversation on. I suspect that t=
here
is the making of a mighty man or
a mighty rascal in this boy--acco=
rding
to circumstances--but they are
going to apprentice him to a carp=
enter.
It is the way the world uses its
opportunities.
During this day and the next we t=
ook
carriage drives about the island
and over to the town of
hard, excellent roads to drive ov=
er are
not to be found elsewhere out
of
guide-book. In the edge of the to=
wn we
saw five or six mountain-cabbage
palms (atrocious name!) standing =
in a
straight row, and equidistant from
each other. These were not the la=
rgest
or the tallest trees I have ever
seen, but they were the statelies=
t, the
most majestic. That row of
them must be the nearest that nat=
ure
has ever come to counterfeiting
a colonnade. These trees are all =
the
same height, say sixty feet;
the trunks as gray as granite, wi=
th a
very gradual and perfect taper;
without sign of branch or knot or=
flaw;
the surface not looking like
bark, but like granite that has b=
een
dressed and not polished. Thus all
the way up the diminishing shaft =
for
fifty feet; then it begins to take
the appearance of being closely
wrapped, spool-fashion, with gray
cord, or of having been turned in=
a
lathe. Above this point there is an
outward swell, and thence upward =
for
six feet or more the cylinder is a
bright, fresh green, and is forme=
d of
wrappings like those of an ear
of green Indian corn. Then comes =
the
great, spraying palm plume, also
green. Other palm trees always le=
an out
of the perpendicular, or have a
curve in them. But the plumb-line=
could
not detect a deflection in any
individual of this stately row; t=
hey
stand as straight as the colonnade
of Baalbec; they have its great h=
eight,
they have its gracefulness, they
have its dignity; in moonlight or
twilight, and shorn of their plumes,
they would duplicate it.
The birds we came across in the c=
ountry
were singularly tame; even that
wild creature, the quail, would p=
ick
around in the grass at ease while
we inspected it and talked about =
it at
leisure. A small bird of the
canary species had to be stirred =
up
with the butt-end of the whip before
it would move, and then it moved =
only a
couple of feet. It is said that
even the suspicious flea is tame =
and
sociable in
himself to be caught and caressed
without misgivings. This should be
taken with allowance, for doubtle=
ss
there is more or less brag about it.
In
child over, as if it were a merit=
in a
flea to be able to do that; as if
the knowledge of it trumpeted abr=
oad
ought to entice immigration. Such a
thing in nine cases out of ten wo=
uld be
almost sure to deter a thinking
man from coming.
We saw no bugs or reptiles to spe=
ak of,
and so I was thinking of saying
in print, in a general way, that =
there
were none at all; but one
night after I had gone to bed, the
Reverend came into my room carrying
something, and asked, "Is th=
is
your boot?" I said it was, and he said he
had met a spider going off with i=
t.
Next morning he stated that just at
dawn the same spider raised his w=
indow
and was coming in to get a shirt,
but saw him and fled.
I inquired, "Did he get the =
shirt?"
"No."
"How did you know it was a s=
hirt
he was after?"
"I could see it in his eye.&=
quot;
We inquired around, but could hea=
r of
no Bermudian spider capable of
doing these things. Citizens said=
that
their largest spiders could not
more than spread their legs over =
an
ordinary saucer, and that they had
always been considered honest. He=
re was
testimony of a clergyman against
the testimony of mere
worldlings--interested ones, too. On the whole, I
judged it best to lock up my thin=
gs.
Here and there on the country roa=
ds we
found lemon, papaw, orange, lime,
and fig trees; also several sorts=
of
palms, among them the cocoa, the
date, and the palmetto. We saw so=
me
bamboos forty feet high, with stems
as thick as a man's arm. Jungles =
of the
mangrove tree stood up out of
swamps; propped on their interlac=
ing
roots as upon a tangle of stilts.
In drier places the noble tamarin=
d sent
down its grateful cloud of
shade. Here and there the blossomy
tamarisk adorned the roadside. There
was a curious gnarled and twisted=
black
tree, without a single leaf on
it. It might have passed itself o=
ff for
a dead apple tree but for the
fact that it had a a star-like, r=
ed-hot
flower sprinkled sparsely over
its person. It had the scattery r=
ed
glow that a constellation might
have when glimpsed through smoked
glass. It is possible that our
constellations have been so const=
ructed
as to be invisible through
smoked glass; if this is so it is=
a
great mistake.
We saw a tree that bears grapes, =
and
just as calmly and unostentatiously
as a vine would do it. We saw an
India-rubber tree, but out of season,
possibly, so there were no shoes =
on it,
nor suspenders, nor anything
that a person would properly expe=
ct to
find there. This gave it an
impressively fraudulent look. The=
re was
exactly one mahogany tree on the
island. I know this to be reliabl=
e,
because I saw a man who said he had
counted it many a time and could =
not be
mistaken. He was a man with a
harelip and a pure heart, and eve=
rybody
said he was as true as steel.
Such men are all too few.
One's eye caught near and far the=
pink
cloud of the oleander and the
red blaze of the pomegranate blos=
som.
In one piece of wild wood the
morning-glory vines had wrapped t=
he
trees to their very tops, and
decorated them all over with coup=
les
and clusters of great bluebells--a
fine and striking spectacle, at a
little distance. But the dull cedar is
everywhere, and is the prevailing
foliage. One does not appreciate how
dull it is until the varnished, b=
right
green attire of the infrequent
lemon tree pleasantly intrudes its
contrast. In one thing
eminently tropical--was in May, at
least--the unbrilliant, slightly
faded, unrejoicing look of the
landscape. For forests arrayed in a
blemishless magnificence of glowi=
ng
green foliage that seems to exult in
its own existence and can move the
beholder to an enthusiasm that
will make him either shout or cry=
, one
must go to countries that have
malignant winters.
We saw scores of colored farmers
digging their crops of potatoes
and onions, their wives and child=
ren
helping--entirely contented and
comfortable, if looks go for anyt=
hing.
We never met a man, or woman, or
child anywhere in this sunny isla=
nd who
seemed to be unprosperous, or
discontented, or sorry about anyt=
hing.
This sort of monotony became very
tiresome presently, and even some=
thing
worse. The spectacle of an entire
nation groveling in contentment i=
s an
infuriating thing. We felt the
lack of something in this communi=
ty--a
vague, an indefinable, an elusive
something, and yet a lack. But af=
ter
considerable thought we made out
what it was--tramps. Let them go =
there,
right now, in a body. It is
utterly virgin soil. Passage is c=
heap.
Every true patriot in
will help buy tickets. Whole armi=
es of
these excellent beings can be
spared from our midst and our pol=
ls; they
will find a delicious climate
and a green, kind-hearted people.=
There
are potatoes and onions for all,
and a generous welcome for the fi=
rst
batch that arrives, and elegant
graves for the second.
It was the Early Rose potato the =
people
were digging. Later in the
year they have another crop, whic=
h they
call the Garnet. We buy their
potatoes (retail) at fifteen doll=
ars a
barrel; and those colored farmers
buy ours for a song, and live on =
them.
We passed a roadside grocery with=
a
sign up, "Potatoes Wanted." An
ignorant stranger, doubtless. He =
could
not have gone thirty steps from
his place without finding plenty =
of
them.
In several fields the arrowroot c=
rop was
already sprouting.
to make a vast annual profit out =
of
this staple before firearms came
into such general use.
The island is not large. Somewher=
e in
the interior a man ahead of us
had a very slow horse. I suggeste=
d that
we had better go by him; but
the driver said the man had but a
little way to go. I waited to see,
wondering how he could know. Pres=
ently
the man did turn down another
road. I asked, "How did you =
know
he would?"
"Because I knew the man, and=
where
he lived."
I asked him, satirically, if he k=
new
everybody in the island; he
answered, very simply, that he di=
d.
This gives a body's mind a good
substantial grip on the dimension=
s of
the place.
At the principal hotel at
serious face, said we could not be
furnished with dinner, because we had
not been expected, and no prepara=
tion
had been made. Yet it was still an
hour before dinner-time. We argue=
d, she
yielded not; we supplicated,
she was serene. The hotel had not=
been
expecting an inundation of two
people, and so it seemed that we =
should
have to go home dinnerless. I
said we were not very hungry a fi=
sh
would do. My little maid answered,
it was not the market-day for fis=
h.
Things began to look serious; but
presently the boarder who sustain=
ed the
hotel came in, and when the case
was laid before him he was cheerf=
ully
willing to divide. So we had much
pleasant chat at table about
of damaged ships; and in between =
we had
a soup that had something in it
that seemed to taste like the
hereafter, but it proved to be only pepper
of a particularly vivacious kind.=
And
we had an iron-clad chicken that
was deliciously cooked, but not i=
n the
right way. Baking was not
the thing to convince this sort. =
He
ought to have been put through a
quartz-mill until the "tuck&=
quot;
was taken out of him, and then boiled till
we came again. We got a good deal=
of
sport out of him, but not enough
sustenance to leave the victory o=
n our
side. No matter; we had potatoes
and a pie and a sociable good tim=
e.
Then a ramble through the town,
which is a quaint one, with
interesting, crooked streets, and narrow,
crooked lanes, with here and ther=
e a
grain of dust. Here, as in
They were not double shutters, hi=
nged
at the sides, but a single broad
shutter, hinged at the top; you p=
ush it
outward, from the bottom, and
fasten it at any angle required b=
y the
sun or desired by yourself.
All about the island one sees gre=
at
white scars on the hill-slopes.
These are dished spaces where the=
soil
has been scraped off and the
coral exposed and glazed with hard
whitewash. Some of these are a
quarter-acre in size. They catch =
and
carry the rainfall to reservoirs;
for the wells are few and poor, a=
nd there
are no natural springs and no
brooks.
They say that the
snow or ice, and that one may be =
very
comfortable in spring clothing the
year round, there. We had delight=
ful
and decided summer weather in May,
with a flaming sun that permitted=
the
thinnest of raiment, and yet there
was a constant breeze; consequent=
ly we
were never discomforted by heat.
At four or five in the afternoon =
the
mercury began to go down, and then
it became necessary to change to =
thick
garments. I went to
in the morning clothed in the thi=
nnest
of linen, and reached home at
five in the afternoon with two
overcoats on. The nights are said to be
always cool and bracing. We had
mosquito-nets, and the Reverend said the
mosquitoes persecuted him a good =
deal.
I often heard him slapping and
banging at these imaginary creatu=
res
with as much zeal as if they had
been real. There are no mosquitoe=
s in
the Bermudas in May.
The poet Thomas Moore spent sever=
al
months in
years ago. He was sent out to be
registrar of the admiralty. I am
not quite clear as to the functio=
n of a
registrar of the admiralty of
born there. I will inquire into t=
his. There
was not much doing in
admirals, and Moore got tired and=
went
away. A reverently preserved
souvenir of him is still one of t=
he
treasures of the islands: I gathered
the idea, vaguely, that it was a =
jug,
but was persistently thwarted in
the twenty-two efforts I made to =
visit
it. However, it was no matter,
for I found out afterward that it=
was
only a chair.
There are several "sights&qu=
ot; in
the Bermudas, of course, but they are
easily avoided. This is a great
advantage--one cannot have it in
no harassments; the deep peace and
quiet of the country sink into one's
body and bones and give his consc=
ience
a rest, and chloroform the legion
of invisible small devils that are
always trying to whitewash his hair.
A good many Americans go there ab=
out
the first of March and remain until
the early spring weeks have finis=
hed
their villainies at home.
The Bermudians are hoping soon to=
have
telegraphic communication with
the world. But even after they sh=
all
have acquired this curse it will
still be a good country to go to =
for a
vacation, for there are charming
little islets scattered about the
inclosed sea where one could live
secure from interruption. The
telegraph-boy would have to come in a
boat, and one could easily kill h=
im
while he was making his landing.
We had spent four days in
one rainy one in the house, we be=
ing
disappointed about getting a yacht
for a sail; and now our furlough =
was
ended, and we entered into the ship
again and sailed homeward.
We made the run home to
hours, and could have gone right =
along
up to the city if we had had a
health permit. But health permits=
are
not granted after seven in the
evening, partly because a ship ca=
nnot
be inspected and overhauled
with exhaustive, thoroughness exc=
ept in
daylight, and partly because
health-officers are liable to cat=
ch
cold if they expose themselves to
the night air. Still, you can buy=
a
permit after hours for five dollars
extra, and the officer will do the
inspecting next week. Our ship and
passengers lay under expense and =
in
humiliating captivity all night,
under the very nose of the little
official reptile who is supposed to
protect New York
imposing rigor gave everybody a s=
olemn
and awful idea of the beneficent
watchfulness of our government, a=
nd
there were some who wondered if
anything finer could be found in =
other
countries.
In the morning we were all a-tipt=
oe to
witness the intricate ceremony
of inspecting the ship. But it wa=
s a
disappointing thing. The
health-officer's tug ranged along=
side
for a moment, our purser handed
the lawful three-dollar permit fe=
e to
the health-officer's bootblack,
who passed us a folded paper in a
forked stick, and away we went. The
entire "inspection" did=
not
occupy thirteen seconds.
The health-officer's place is wor=
th a
hundred thousand dollars a year
to him. His system of inspection =
is
perfect, and therefore cannot be
improved on; but it seems to me t=
hat
his system of collecting his fees
might be amended. For a great shi=
p to
lie idle all night is a most
costly loss of time; for her pass=
engers
to have to do the same thing
works to them the same damage, wi=
th the
addition of an amount of
exasperation and bitterness of so=
ul
that the spectacle of that
health-officer's ashes on a shovel
could hardly sweeten. Now why would
it not be better and simpler to l=
et the
ships pass in unmolested, and
the fees and permits be exchanged=
once
a year by post.