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A Masque Of Days
By
Walter Crane
THE OLD YEAR being
dead, and the NEW YEAR coming of age, wh: he does by
Calendar Law, as =
soon
as the breath is out of the old gentleman's body,
nothing would ser=
ve
the young spark but he must give a dinner upon the
occasion, to wh: =
all
the Days in the year were invited. The Festivals,
whom he deputed as
his stewards, were mightily taken with the notion.
They had been eng=
aged
time out of mind, they said, in providing mirth and
good cheer for
mortals below; and it was time they should have a taste of
their own bounty.=
It
was stiffly debated among them whether the Fasts
should be admitte=
d.
Some said, that the appearance of such lean, starved
guests, with their
mortified faces, would pervert the ends of the meeting.
But the objection=
was
overruled by Christmas Day who had a design upon Ash
Wednesday (as you
shall hear), and a mighty desire to see how the old
Domine would beha=
ve
himself in his cups.
Only the VIGILS w=
ere
requested to come with their lanterns to light the
gentlefolks home =
at
night.
All the Days came=
to
their day. Covers were provided for three hundred and
sixty-five guests=
at
the principal table; with an occasional knife and
fork at the
side-board for the Twenty-Ninth of February.
I should have told
you that cards of invitation had been issued. The
carriers were THE
HOURS twelve little, merry whirligig foot-pages as
you should desire=
to
see, that went all round, and found out the persons
invited well enou=
gh,
with the exception of Easter Day, Shrove Tuesday, and
a few such Moveab=
les,
who had lately shifted their quarters.
Well, they all me=
t at
last, foul Days, fine Days, all sorts of Days,
and a rare din th=
ey
made of it. There was nothing but, Hail! fellow
Day,--well
met--brother Day--sister Day--only LADY DAY kept a little aloof
and seemed somewh=
at
scornful. Yet some said, TWELFTH DAY cut her out and
out, for she came=
in
a tiffany suit, white and gold, like a queen on a
frost-cake, all r=
oyal
glittering, and Epiphanous.
The rest came, so=
me
in green, some in white--but old Lent and his
family were not y=
et
out of mourning.
Rainy Days came i=
n,
dripping; and sun-shiny Days helped them to change
their stockings.<= o:p>
Wedding Day was t=
here
in his marriage finery, a little the worse for
wear.
Pay Day came late=
, as
he always does; and Doomsday sent word--he might
be expected.
April Fool (as my
young lord's jester) took upon himself to marshal the
guests, and wild =
work
he made with it. It would have posed old Erra Pater
to have found out=
any
given Day in the year, to erect a scheme upon good
Days, bad Days we=
re
so shuffled together, to the confounding of all sober
horoscopy. He had
stuck the Twenty-First of June next to the Twenty-Second
of December, and =
the
former looked like a Maypole siding a marrow-bone.
Ash Wednesday got
wedged in (as was concerted) betwixt Christmas & Lord
Mayor's Days. Lor=
d!
how he laid about him! Nothing but barons of beef &
turkeys would go =
down
with him to the great greasing & detriment of his
new sackcloth bib=
and
tucker. And still Christmas Day was at his elbow,
plying him with t=
he
wassail-bowl, till he roared, & hiccupp'd, &
protested there w=
as
no faith in dried ling, a sour, windy, acrimonious,
censorious
hy-po-crit-crit-critical mess & no dish for a gentleman. Then
he dipt his fist =
into
the middle of the great custard that stood before
his left-hand
neighbour, & daubed his hungry beard all over with it, till
you would have ta=
ken
him for the Last Day in December it so hung in
icicles.
At another part of
the table, Shrove Tuesday was helping the Second of
September to some
cock broth,--which courtesy the latter returned with
the delicate thig=
h of
a hen pheasant--so there was no love lost for that
matter.
The Last of Lent =
was
spunging upon Shrovetide's pancakes; which April
Fool perceiving, =
told
him he did well, for pancakes were proper to a good
fry-day.
In another part a
hubbub arose about the Thirtieth of January, who, it
seems, being a so=
ur
puritanic character, that thought nobody's meat good
or sanctified eno=
ugh
for him, had smuggled into the room a calf's head,
which he had had
cooked at home for that purpose, thinking to feast
thereon
incontinently; but as it lay in the dish March Many-weathers,
who is a very fine
lady, and subject to the meagrims, screamed out there
was a "human
head in the platter," and raved about Herodias' daughter to
that degree, that=
the
obnoxious viand was obliged to be removed; nor did
she recover her
stomach till she had gulped down a Restorative, confected
of Oak Apple, whi=
ch
the merry Twenty-Ninth of May always carries about
with him for that
purpose.
The King's health
being called for after this, a notable dispute arose
between the 12th =
of
August (a zealous old Whig gentlewoman), and the
Twenty Third of A=
pril
(a new-fangled lady of the Tory stamp) as to which
of them should ha=
ve
the honour to propose it.
August grew hot u=
pon
the matter, affirming time out of mind the
prescriptive righ=
t to
have lain with her, till her rival basely supplanted
her;
* *=
*
April Fool being made mediator, conf=
irmed
the right in the
strongest form of words to the appel=
lant,
but decided for peace'
sake that the exercise of it should =
remain
with the present
possessor.
* *=
*
It beginning to g=
row
a little duskish, Candlemas lustily bawled out for
lights which was
opposed by all the Days, who protested against burning
daylight. Then fa=
ir
water was handed round in silver ewers, and the same
lady was observed=
to
take an unusual time in washing herself.
May-Day, with that
sweetness which is peculiar to her, in a neat speech
proposing the hea=
lth
of the founder, crowned her goblet, {and by her
example the rest =
of
the company} with garlands. This being done, the
lordly New Year f=
rom
the upper end of the table, in a cordial but
somewhat lofty to=
ne,
returned thanks. He felt proud on an occasion of
meeting so many of
his father's late tenants, promised to improve their
farms, & at t=
he
same time to abate {if anything was found unreasonable} in
their rents.
At the mention of
this the Four Quarter Days involuntarily looked at
each other, & smiled; April Fool whistled to an old tune of "New Brooms" &<= o:p>
a surly old rebel=
at
the further end of the table {who was discovered to
be no other than =
the
Fifth-of-November} muttered out distinctly enough to
be heard by the w=
hole
company, words to this effect, that, "when the old
one is gone, he i=
s a
fool that looks for a better." Which rudeness of his,
the guests resent=
ing,
unanimously voted his expulsion; & the malcontent
was thrust out ne=
ck
& heels into the cellar, as the properest place for
such a boutefeu &=
amp;
firebrand as he had shewn himself to be.
Order being
restored--the young lord {who, to say truth, had been a
little ruffled &a=
mp;
put beside his oratory} in as few, & yet as obliging
words as possible,
assured them of entire welcome; &, with a graceful
turn, singling out
poor Twenty-Ninth of February, that had sate all this
while mumchance at
the side-board, begged to couple his health with that
of the good compa=
ny
before him--which he drank accordingly; observing,
that he had not s=
een
his honest face any time these four years--with a
number of endeari=
ng
expressions besides. At the same time, removing the
solitary Day from=
the
forlorn seat which had been assigned to him, he
stationed him at =
his
own board, somewhere between the Greek Calends and
Latter Lammas.
Ash Wednesday, be=
ing
now called upon for a song, with his eyes fast stuck
in his head, &=
; as
well as the Canary he had swallowed would give him
leave, struck up a
Carol, which Christmas Day had taught him for the
nonce; & was
followed by the latter, who gave "Miserere" in fine style,
hitting off the
mumping notes & lengthened drawl of Old Mortification with
infinite humour.<= o:p>
[April Fool swore they had exchanged
conditions; but Good
Friday was observed to look extremely
grave; & Sunday held her fan
before her face, that she might not b=
e seen
to smile.]
Shrove tide, Lord
Mayor's Day, and April Fool, next joined in a glee--
Which is the properest day to drink?=
in which all the =
days
chiming in, made a merry burden.
They next fell to
quibbles & conumdrums.
The question being
proposed, who had the greatest number of followers--the
Quarter Days said,
there could be no question as to that; for they had all
the creditors in =
the
world dogging their heels. But April Fool gave it in
favour of the For=
ty
Days before Easter; because the debtors in all cases
outnumbered the
creditors, & they kept lent all the year round.
All this while
Valentine's Day kept courting pretty May, who sate next
him, slipping amo=
rous
billets-doux under the table, till the Dog Days
{who are naturall=
y of
a warm constitution} began to bark and rage
exceedingly.
April Fool, who l=
ikes
a bit of sport above measure, & had some
pretensions to the
lady besides as being but a cousin once
removed,--clapped
& halloo'd them on; and as fast as their indignation
cooled those mad
wag's, the Ember Days, were at it with their bellows, to
blow it into a fl=
ame;
& all was in a ferment: till old Madame Septuagesima
{who boasts herse=
lf
the Mother of the Days} wisely diverted the
conversation with=
a
tedious tale of the lovers which she could reckon
when she was youn=
g;
& of one Master Rogation Day in particular, who was
for ever putting =
the
question to her; but she kept him at a distance, as
the chronicle wd:
tell--by which I apprehend she meant the Almanack.
Then she rambled =
on
to the Days that were gone, the good old Days, & so to
the Days before t=
he
Flood--which plainly showed her old head to be little
better than crazed
& doited.
Day being ended, =
the
Days called for their cloaks & great-coats & took
their leaves.
Lord Mayor's Day =
went
off in a mist as usual; Shortest Day in a deep black
Fog that wrapt the
little gentleman all round like a hedgehog. Two
Vigils--so watchm=
en
are called in heaven--saw Christmas Day safe
home--they had be=
en
used to the business before. Another Vigil--a stout,
sturdy patrole,
called the Eve of St. Christopher--seeing Ash Wednesday
in a condition li=
ttle
better than he should be--e'en whipt him over his
shoulders,
pick-a-back fashion, & Old Mortification went floating home
singing--
"On the bat's back do I fly,&qu=
ot;
& a number of=
old
snatches besides, between drunk & sober; but very few
Aves or
Penitentiaries {you may believe me} were among them. Longest Day
set off westward =
in
beautiful crimson & gold--the rest, some in one
fashion, some in
another; but Valentine & pretty May took their departure
together in one of
the prettiest silvery twilights a Lover's Day could
wish to set in.
FINIS